From learning how to “winter,” set clear boundaries, put down my phone, and “let them,” these life-changing nonfiction books have greatly enhanced my perspective, especially during challenging times.
As someone living with multiple chronic illnesses, these are just a few of the books that have most changed my life, relationships, and overall outlook for the better. I hope they help you, too. If I could only pick one, Katherine May’s Wintering has gotten me through the hardest of times. P.S. Some of these book recommendations pair well with our Uncorked Reading Challenge. 💜 Christine
Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times by Katherine May
✨ Especially good for people who have chronic illnesses ✨
“…Wintering is a season in the cold. It is a fallow period in life when you’re cut off from the world, feeling rejected, sidelined, blocked from progress, or cast into the role of an outsider. Perhaps it results from an illness…
…Plants and animals don’t fight the winter; they don’t pretend it’s not happening and attempt to carry on living the same lives that they lived in the summer. They prepare. They adapt. They perform extraordinary acts of metamorphosis to get them through. Winter is a time of withdrawing from the world, maximising scant resources, carrying out acts of brutal efficiency and vanishing from sight; but that’s where the transformation occurs…”
I read Katherine May’s Wintering in the bathtub during an awful Graves’, TED, and ulcerative colitis flare, completely knocked down, scared, in and out of the ER, and in unbearable, sobbing pain. I highlighted half of the passages, and I appreciate that the advice is not one-size-fits-all, preachy, demanding, ableist, or judgmental.
There is so much power in being reminded that many of us will winter and go through many figurative (and literal) winters in our lifetime. The key is how we winter.
How Wintering Changed My Perspective About Chronic Illness & Uplifted My Broken Spirit
Wintering made me feel seen. It made the impossible feel possible. May’s journey to Iceland was and is just like mine: I have the same doctors saying, “Get on that plane,” and I did for my 40th birthday to Slovenia, even though I was severely flared. While not always possible, it was the right (and amazing!) choice.
I appreciate that while devastating and hard, we can shape our winters, making them as comfortable as possible until “spring.” We can transform winters into something inspiring through the pain, suffering, and sometimes forced self-reflection.
Wintering is a book I will re-read again and again. Travel. Hygge. New routines. Cozy living. Pausing overwhelming and abundant appointments. Thinking we are an anomaly, but we are not. Sharing what comes out of our winters to help others.
“…Wintering brings about some of the most profound and insightful moments of our human experience, and wisdom resides in those who have wintered…
…We may never choose to winter, but we can choose how.”
Read & Buy A Copy Here:
The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins
✨ Especially good for people-pleasers ✨
Warning: This is going to be a book I liked (68+ highlights), disliked, and even skimmed…
“When you operate in a way that makes you proud of yourself, it doesn’t matter what other people think. They’re going to be mad that you left early. They’re going to be mad that you arrived late. Someone is always going to be disappointed by the decisions that you make.”
The Good
Oh, where to start with Mel Robbins’ The Let Them Theory… Is this theory new? No. Do we need to hear it again and again? Yes. For life-changing nonfiction books, The Let Them Theory is a great reminder to live your life for you, be a good person, and stop people-pleasing. I especially appreciate the breadth of people Mel interviewed.
The Bad & The Ugly
This book is quite unrefined, repetitive, and reads like a blog outline (trust me here!). Mel is pretty unlikable, too…
But, it doesn’t matter because 1. Let Them and Let Me, and 2. She has one main thesis that is still, or can be, life-changing – whether or not she says some ableist, problematic things (please read this book with awareness; her words were triggering).
It also goes to show that you can put complete imperfection into the world and be a smashing hit, which is actually inspiring when you are a perfectionist.
How The Let Them Theory Helped Reframe My People-Pleasing Lifestyle
I am an Enneagram 9w1, which explains why this book is helpful to me. I love Mel’s ideas of emotionally detaching from triggers (no hot text messages in the moment), not letting hatred reduce us, and not letting other people’s behavior bother us.
We can only control ourselves and our reactions. We need to guard our emotional energy – and that comes with emotional maturity and growth. When I lived in Indonesia, one of my fellow Fulbrighters always said, “I’m glad I only have my life to live.”
Many of Mel’s examples – such as trying to be at a family gathering as well as a friend’s birthday event in one weekend – rings true for me: No one was pleased with her; she didn’t stay long enough or smile big enough… but she did what made her happy and also be the best friend and family member she could be because those other people would STILL feel the same way, no matter what. That’s pretty empowering and sanity-inducing.
Read & Buy A Copy Here:
The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness by Jonathan Haidt
✨ Especially good if you have an unhealthy relationship with your phone and doom scroll ✨
Note: This is best read as a physical copy versus an audiobook because of the graphs/charts/visuals.
A Quick Summary Of The Anxious Generation
In The Anxious Generation, Jonathan Haidt discusses the impact of the iPhone and the growth and evolution of social apps on newer generations. He demonstrates how technology and social media affect mental health, especially in young women, but also men, including depression, body image, and more.
These apps are meant to be addictive, and he believes teens today spend 8+ hours a day on their phones. He calls for school reform and age restrictions on social platforms.
What I Learned & How The Anxious Generation Changed My Relationship With My iPhone & Social Sharing Apps
As a Millennial, I knew that Facebook and the iPhone had vastly changed our lives, along with AIM/AOL. However, The Anxious Generation is a fascinating, essential, and devastating read for the generations after me, and a must for any parent.
I knew Facebook manipulated us with algorithms, but I didn’t realize until this research and a whistleblower that they were using actual psychology against us – and in such an intentionally harmful way.
While I don’t have children, I know I’ll be thinking of family members, friends’ kids, and even anyone’s use of their phone, social applications, and email – and spending less time on mine.
My phone makes me feel bad more often than not. I decided to set my iPhone to lock social media apps and email for 11+ hours a day, especially at night, ending doomscrolling and a literal addiction to constantly checking notifications. It’s changed my mood and confidence for the better, including helping my anxiety.
Read & Buy A Copy Here:
Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself by Nedra Glover Tawwab
✨ Especially good if you find yourself struggling in and losing yourself to relationships ✨
What It’s All About
Get that highlighter ready! Set Boundaries, Find Peace is one of the best life-changing nonfiction books for those wanting to work on personal relationships and mental health, including burnout, anger, frustration, and depression. As a licensed therapist, Nedra Glover Tawwab shares the importance of setting boundaries.
How Realizing I Needed Boundaries Changed My Life
This book taught me how much of my stress and anxiety comes from my own failure to set and enforce – and reinforce – clear boundaries in my life, whether that be at work, at home, and with friends, family members, and myself.
Being an Enneagram 9 and a reformed people pleaser, let me tell you, it is hard to set boundaries. When I do, the sometimes negative reaction of others is hard to swallow, and I stop holding the line or question myself. However, boundaries are essential and healthy, and I needed to hear that.
While I do not love Instagram, Nedra Glover Tawwab’s account is one I truly enjoy following for advice and self-reflection.
Read & Buy A Copy Here:
Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones by James Clear
✨ Especially great if you find yourself getting stuck and want to start something new ✨
The Main Idea Of Atomic Habits
In James Clear’s Atomic Habits, see why quantity is sometimes better than quality, and how we get stuck in patterns. Imagine if just the act of taking out your running shoes for a week or two could turn you into a marathon runner –and more importantly, a healthier person. Is it really that easy?
James Clear sets out to prove how one small act can create a ripple effect for larger change, helping you meet your goals, be productive, and find happiness.
How Little Actions Have Created Bigger Change Within Me
I love the idea that deciding you want to be someone or do something starts with such a small action to accomplish it.
A key takeaway for me: Setting up my environment and just “doing” creates far greater results versus overthinking, over-planning, and spending too much time learning/pondering. Place that water bottle next to the sink in the morning to drink more water. Place that pen on the desk to start writing the next great American novel. Ten minutes on the treadmill is better than none.
I see why 2 million+ people joined his newsletter, myself included. It’s one of the few I haven’t unsubscribed to over the years. His words are inspiring, even in their digestible brevity.
Read & Buy A Copy Here:
Before You Go: What To Read Next
You might also enjoy these powerful books that make you think differently about the world.
Fill up my TBR pile (and our readers’): I’d love to know what books have changed your life in the comments.